Friday ~ Babies

I love babies! Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE babies. I hold them, love them, kiss them, read to them, sing to them (not well), .....

I wish it had been in the Lords plan to give me lots and lots of babies. I always wanted to get married (to Prince Charming, of course) and have lots of babies. Being a mom is my dream job (and some days I do it very well, others not so much). Well the Lord had other plans for me, so ...

I have to love other people's babies. This is my mostest favoritest little baby girl in the world ...
Carissa!



She belongs to Chris and Melissa, the hosts of our community group. How could you look at that baby and not want to kiss her cheeks? I love her boys Caleb (almost 3 1/2) & Josiah (almost 5)as well. They are so smart and funny! Totally energetic boys (which scares me, LOL, as I have only had girls). They are having a joint Spiderman/Batman party next month for their birthdays! How fun is that!

Well much to my delight and joy. I have 2 new babies to love. Will and John, 3 month old twins! Yea for me, double the love and babies! They belong to Ryan (Mr. music man) and Becky, who are also part of our community group. Melissa has been helping take care of the boys on Fridays until Becky finishes the school year (she is a teacher at the high school). This past Friday Kalie and I went to help.

Caleb is helping me feed Will. John is in the background.



Kalie feeding John. (She loves babies too.)



Both boys. Aren't they so adorable? John is on the left and Will is on the right.



My three babies ... Will, Carissa and John.



I love homeschooling because it gives us the opportunity to love others. Kalie and I had the best day. It is always so fun to hang out at Melissa's house. She is the best hostess, always making you feel as if her home is yours. She is very kind and gracious! We spent the day: feeding babies, holding babies, visiting, playing and we had a great lunch. It was an awesome day!

ps. Do you think Becky would notice is one of her twins went missing??? LOL!

The Greenville Zoo

Our entire family went to the Greenville Zoo today! It was so fun! We also went with our extended "church" family. Meridith came, with two borrowed children. (LOL!) She was babysitting Anna Catherine and Colin Beachy (our asst. Pastor's 2 oldest children). Melissa was there with Josiah, Caleb and Carissa. Katie, Kasie, Kalie and I were there. Someone asked us if we were from a daycare, Kalie said "No, this is our family!" In her almost rude sarcastic way. Mer said we should of had matching shirts. LOL!

Colin, Kalie, Josiah, Anna Catherine & Caleb.

Kalie, Josiah, Katie & Caleb.



Kalie & I.



Katie & Caleb (her buddy).



Kasie & Colin.





Kasie planned this excursion (she loves the Zoo). When we were leaving Kasie said, "What should we do next Tuesday?" I said I don't know, what are you planning? LOL!

Community Groups

Our church has a Sunday evening worship once a month, on the other weeks families meet together in homes in Community Groups. Our group has a meal, sermon discussion and then the we split up (boys and girls) for prayer time. The groups are set up with a diverse population of young and old, single and married, couples and families. These groups are usually bases geographically. Well being the troublemakers that we are ... we meet with a group that is 20 minutes away.

Actually the reason is that this group was a better fit for our family, because of Kalie's anxiety issues. Meridith, one of the members, is also one of Kalie's Sunday Worship teachers. (The teachers rotate on a six week schedule.) She suggested that we visit her Community Group, we did and haven't left. LOL!

Our group is pretty diverse a few young single girls, a few newly married couples, one church elder and his wife, an older single woman, a couple with new twin boys (I can't wait until the boys are old enough to come to CG and they can come back. We miss our music man!), a family with 3 young children and our family.

Community Group has given Kalie a "safe place" to make friends and develop relationships. She is the oldest of the children by almost 3 years. Kalie has really opened up to the group and will talk to almost everyone with out fear. She prays for the members of CG without prompting and talks about them throughout the week. This HUGE accomplishment has allowed me to have new friends! YEA!

One thing that has been hard for me with Kalie's anxiety is the seclusion I feel. I like people, activities, going places ... Kalie does not. Sometimes I feel isolated and alone. When the big girls were little they did EVERYTHING, Girl Scouts, dance, summer camps, swimming lessons, etc. We were involved in a very large, active church. Kalie does Girl Scouts (and sometimes that is a struggle).

Community Group is filling my need for friends and acceptance. When we first started going we would leave right after dinner, then we were able to stay for part of the sermon discussion, it moved up to the beginning of prayer time. Kalie felt more comfortable and we were able to stay for prayer requests and now Kalie will actually participate and request prayers (usually about Kasie's knee). Now we are almost always the last ones to leave. Kalie loves going to CG now.

Not only has CG filled a spiritual need but they have become our family. In times of trouble and need they have helped our family. Days that I have been sad, they have lifted me up. Days that I need to rejoice with another, they have been happy for me. Days that I have needed a friend, they have been there!

We are truly blessed! I am very thankful for the love and acceptance that our family receives from our Community Group. They have become our friends and extended family. The Lord is good to me!

Quiet Time

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I am not the most pleasant person in the morning. My cats and dog usually wake me up between 5:00 and 6:30 every morning to be let out, and when I am awake ... I am awake.

I use to be very angry and ugly during this time. I use to drink my pot of coffee (I know I should not drink an entire pot of coffee myself.) and think "what a crummy life I have, this world sucks, blah, blah. Then I began using this time to collect myself, read emails, lesson plans, pay bills, etc. and my life did not seem as crummy. Now ... just a note, my life is still pretty stressful with many trials and obstacles, it just seemed better.

Lately I have begun to use this time for a short reading of the word, not a study, nothing in-depth, just a short reading of the word to hopefully read the bible in a year. Kalie and I are studying together during school (most days) while she creates her Bible Notebook. This morning time is just for me to read.

Well ... let me tell you ... the Lord works in a wondrous way! My mornings have become much more enjoyable. I am less of a crab, have a much better outlook on life and am able to see the many positive things that are around me. The world still sucks, but it doesn't matter because it is in God's hands. He is in control and will take care of things.

Would I rather sleep in? You betcha! (The Minnesota in me coming out.) But since that is not an option, I am very thankful that the Lord has used this time to bring me closer to him.

The Past...

A few years ago, during the MySpace craze, when the big girls were all into it ... I got a page. Mainly just to kinda keep tabs on them. They never abused the freedom and conducted themselves just as I thought they would. The MySpace craze ended for them and they have moved onto Facebook (I have not. LOL!). They routinely share what they are doing and want me to see this or that on their pages. I am so very proud of them. Katie and Kasie are making good life choices. I am blessed to have them as daughters.

Well I forgot that I had a MySpace page. It sat dormant for over a year, until this week.

One of my very best friends from High School (Kathie) contacted me this week. She left a comment for me to approve. At first I was not sure what to think or do. I am not the same person I was in High School, in fact I am not the same person I was a year ago. I have spent the past two days thinking and reflecting on my life and the mistakes I have made.

I returned the message. I gave her my email and blog address. (As I love to be able to blog about our life, even if no one reads it. LOL!) I checked out her MySpace. She has 3 daughters. WOW! I guess I never thought of others from that part of my life growing older, having kids, etc. Not that I thought they would all stay in their 20's or something. I guess I just never thought of them having kids. I had just blocked out that part of my life. I was not a good kid or teenager and I did not make good choices. I do not want to revisit that part of me. I have changed and am trying to make right choices.

My sister (Dawn) contacted me yesterday also. We have not spoken since right after Bill died. I do not have a good relationship with my family. It is partially their fault, but I accept most of the blame. In the past I have not been a very accepting or forgiving person. When I felt I had been wronged (legitimately or not) I just walked away. Many months or year could go by without contact with someone. Usually the other person will make the first gesture. I know this is not right! This is one of my MAJOR character flaws. The fight or flight reflex is almost always set on flight for me. I try to avoid confrontation at all costs. This is not right or healthy. I know this.

This is not to say that I have not thought of people from my past. I have. In fact I think of Kathie and her mother (Carol) almost daily during my quiet time. I am very thankful that she shared the Lord with me. Does she know that the seeds she planted in me while I was a troubled teen have now grown and continue to grow stronger? Probably not. In fact I am not sure if she was even aware that she was planting seeds in me.

I have thought of my other best friend (Paula) often as well. My sister informed me that she has 3 daughters and a step-son. Dawn told me that she is going through a divorce. They are linked friends on MySpace. Maybe I should check her out and make the first move?

One of my biggest regrets is that I do not know my nieces or my nephew. I have not seen pictures of them in so very long. I do not know what their voices sound like or the type of people they are becoming. I have no idea about their likes or dislikes, hobbies or passions. The girls do not know their cousins. I had always dreamed of my nieces and nephew coming to spend weeks with us in the summer. I wanted to be the Aunt that sent them cards, letters and the best most creative presents. You know the fun one. That is not who I have become. I have become nothing to them.

This is sad and it is my fault. I have struggled with this for the past two days. The Lord has laid my sins and transgressions on my heart heavily. I know that I must make some type of amends and ask for forgiveness but I am not sure how. I have prayed, cried and struggled. I know that I need to leave this with the Lord and he will bring me through it. I am just not sure how.